An Ode To My Lord
Of all that I am, to whom do I owe and of whom do I give an account? I seek your presence, your face in the light of day and in the star lit night. My mind is dazed while my soul yearns for you, ever restless but never fatigued. Can human words ever suffice my true feelings of my desire for you. My intellect plagues and vexes my spirit for its ever ending quest for knowledge and understanding. But who am I that you place within my soul a longing for you. I seek and I search, yet ever grows my desire for your company, your acquaintance.
How does a mere mortal subject to his mortality contend with his station in life. My soul yearns to fly but this world has such a hold on me. My spirit is free yet my body chained to this earth. In my dreams I see you, I am with you, but upon awakening I grope about in darkness of day for the sweetness of night has passed into a new dawn. "Your promises are renewed every morning and your mercies never spent." My eyes are sensitive to the brightness of your sun but so illuminates your creation before my eyes. Come to me and speak to my heart as I seek you with reason and hope, for "they who seek you will find you." Why so illusive that I cannot grasp you with my touch nor look upon your countenance.
I behold your majesty in the sunrise of a new dawn, I gasp in wonder at the twilight of evening and of the canopy of stars in the cosmos. The fragrance in the air and the gentle breeze of evening, summon me to respond to my heart's desire in ever searching you out. I am too proud to know myself truly, for my fear is that I am not of who I think I may be. I question, is this my destiny to discover who I am, of why I exist, only to be tormented by the inadequacy of my reasoning. I listen to the voices of this world ever resounding in my mind. Of this, all is intriguing as to its tempos and rhythms as their seductive allurements entice me to dance with the desires of its pleasures. But I cannot. Deep within my soul is such a void that is in need of that which can only satisfy. I hunger and I thirst but am ever longing for rest and joy. Why do I wander so?
The wisdom of men I do not disdain nor hold any ill feelings for ignorance, I seek that which is true. I contemplate upon the marvels of this world, my life and of this creation. I stand in awe of all its possibilities and yet here I am as I am. Am I but a mere factor in a variable equation within the calculation of man's hypothesis of life's meaning? I rationalize to no avail but to anguish of spirit, my mind's conflict within the chasm of my soul. I see within my heart a law from my conception inscribed by an unknown hand. I see within myself that which is good and that which is detrimental to my happiness and well-being. Is this love that I seek and what is love, who is love? Where is the sweetness of my dreams when I am free of my distresses by the bondage of this world? There I am free to imagine my liberties as to my pleasures. But society rules and culture demands of me to conform of what I cannot freely give nor desire to acquire.
I envy no man nor have desire for their lot in life, for I must pay their price and incur their cost of which I am unwilling. "Is all but vanity and chase of the wind?" The seasons of my life has passed so swiftly, I ponder as to whom I see in my reflection. Am I all that I should be or could have been? Of what legacy of my existence do I leave as remembrance of my identity, my person. Is all for naught that I lived and took advantage of this world's resources for my pleasure and the contentment of my survival? What is the meaning, where is the understanding of my knowledge attained in this short mortal life?
Upon my rest, the sweetness of your voice and the ever-loving touch of your guidance sweep like a torrent upon my soul. At last, the glory of your countenance illuminated my soul and transformed my mind. It is you, at last, I am in peace and experience the joy of your acquaintance and fellowship. You were always before me and within me. It is your voice, your fragrance, your music. You are Faith and with you is the Holy Spirit leading me to The Way, The Truth, The Life!" It is Jesus Christ, the lover of my soul I yearn for. My purpose is His will in my life, "to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him; that I may be with him for all eternity!"