Discuss, Argue, Dispute
If a wise man disputes with a fool, he may rage or laugh but can have no peace. (Pro 29:9)
Why is it that, in many instances, discussions and arguments often lead to disputes. Voices raise, tempers flare, and with that, anger and hurt. Discussion and argument denote open-mindedness while disputes denote closed-mindedness. Let's look at their definitions. Syn-Discuss: implies a talking about something in a deliberative fashion, with varying opinions offered constructively and, usually amicably, so as to settle an issue, decide on a course of action, etc.; argue implies the citing of reasons or evidence to support or refute an assertion, belief, proposition, etc; dispute implies argument in which there is a clash of opposing opinions, often presented in an angry or heated manner.
As it is with human nature, it becomes a manner of who is right or wrong as feelings and emotions become involved with discussions. God calls us to be correct, not necessarily of who is right and who is wrong! Discussions are necessary for insight as we seek information and understanding on matters. Discussion then advances into argument as reasons or evidence is inserted and utilized to support one's position. This allows positive, critical substance to influence or sway. However, one must be aware of involving their personal feelings and emotions from disrupting the discussion into a full-blown dispute which becomes toxic and destructive. A popular saying is, "Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind is already made up!"
The mind is a law of reason. But the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart. ((Lk 6:45) In the epistle of James 1:26 we read, "If a man who does not control his tongue imagines that he is devout, he is self-deceived; his worship is pointless." Whether in talk or deed, we are witnesses of Christ before the world. James continues saying, "If a man is without fault in speech, he is a man in the fullest sense, because he can control his entire body. The tongue exists among our members as a whole universe of malice and defiles the entire body. Its flames encircle our course from birth and its fire is kindled by hell." (Js 3:2,6) Prudence is essential in communication as to timing and content. "Even a fool, if he keeps silent, is considered wise; if he closes his lips, intelligent." (Pro 17:28)
In communication our words should be concise and precise and to the point. We add so many unnecessary words to our conversations as to defend and justify our positions. All this does is allow distractions to infiltrate our reasoning and obscure our understanding. This empty rhetoric becomes a portal whereas the enemy gains entry with toxic thoughts that undermine rationale. "He who spares his words is truly wise and he who is cautious of speech is a man of intelligence." (Pro 17:27) We see that often individuals dance around and avoid a direct answer or explanation by diversion, in particular, politicians. Remember, politics is the art of compromise. Politics are involved in every facet and level of society. In disputes, one or both parties will "dig in their heels" in not allowing any compromise that may be of benefit and as a result the inevitable occurs. Indications of where this is headed needs godly wisdom to defuse the situation: "The start of strife is like the opening of a dam; therefore, check a quarrel before it begins!" (Pro 17:14)
Scripture gives us insight about controlling our tongue and its tone of delivery: "A mild answer calms wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger;" "A soothing tongue is a tree of life but a perverse one crushes the spirit." (Pro 15:1,4) When a person has a predisposed attitude and determination to be right, dispute is but a spark away. "Hatred stirs up disputes, but love covers all offenses." (Pro 10:12) We are in need of discipline in guarding our tongues, "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from trouble." (Pro 21:23) In discussion and argument we need to understand that we are to inform and trust God to bring clarity and understanding. We must guard ourselves from pride and arrogance in proving ourselves right. "Arrogant is the name for the man of overbearing pride who acts with scornful effrontery." (Pro 21:24) Stay humble and realize when it is time to amiably end the discussion. Keep the peace with a smile and in love. It takes time for the seed to emerge from the earth while its roots are seeking nourishment and nutrition. "By patience is a ruler persuaded and a soft tongue will break a bone." (Pro 25:15) Remember, a tactful retreat is not a defeat! Know your time.